You Were My Home: A Message from Her

They say there is no such thing as true love. It does not exist. Love is just a thought, a non-existant dream. People get married to the person they are in love with, and then soon, the relationship turns out to be some kind of an investment, a contribution to society. Parents become partners and soon turn into life-long friends; best friends if they were lucky. Some realize reality and divorce, some just live with it, some get so caught up that they don’t even notice it.

But what if I feel I will – if ever – marry the wrong person, cause the only person I loved was you?

It’s hard to say it out loud. But I searched for you in every person I thought I liked or loved. I searched for you in people who knew you, and I told people who didn’t know you about you. It’s as if you’re a part of me, that never left – even though you’re far gone. That rush that my heart would feel just by mentioning your name or knowing about you is unreal. It doesn’t make sense. Why you? Why didn’t I know that it was bigger than me? I somehow did, but I wanted to outsmart my feelings, but now I am living with a broken heart.

Living like this is logically heart breaking. I try to believe you are not the reason of my misery, but you are. Nothing makes sense without you. I thought you made me weak, what I didn’t know is: loving you made me strong. I was strong because of you. Maybe I wasn’t, perhaps I was strong before you too. What I know is you broke me, and my heart still fights for you to this day.

I don’t know how to convince him to love again. I’m so scared to be alone. It horrifies me, and that explains all the relationships I was in. I felt trapped in each and every one of them. Being with any guy was a step farther away from you. I was never happy, even though they tried twice as much as you did, I could never give in – not to anyone else but you.

I can’t love myself either, for losing you. Maybe that sounds exaggerated, but it’s true. I’m not trying to flatter you. We both know what we had was bigger, you can’t convince me you have it with her.

Who is she?
I want to believe that you’re just like me: you’re convincing yourself you love her but you love me, but I can’t. I want to believe that we still have a spiritual connection, but I simply don’t anymore. And it hurts..

I know this sounds like just another desperate letter, maybe it is. Maybe I am desperate. I should congratulate you. We always thought I was the strong cold-hearted one.

I can’t play the victim because we both ruined each other, a love so strong can’t simply end without chaos. I can’t blame you without blaming myself.

I ask myself, if we went back in time; would I lay my eyes on you and let myself fall in love with you like I did? Or would I look away? Would I leave my everything to be with you like I did? Or would you just be a happy thought in my system to keep, while living like the rest of them? Would I say out loud that you’re my soul mate? Or would I realize that I was your lesson when in fact you were my home?

You can also check I Should Have Listened: A Message From Your Daughter

You can Also check I Died Today : A Message from A Lebanese Martyr

 

 

Interesting Facts About Whiskey with Mr. Graham Coull

So, I got the chance (among with 14 other bloggers) to meet the Master Distiller at Glen Moray Himself Mr. Graham Coull, and be lectured about Glen Moray Whiskey and about Whiskey in general.

glen-moray-3Some interesting facts I learned: 

  • Scottish Whisky is only be made in Scotland (obviously but you know)
  • It is made of Water, Grain, and Yeast
  • Kinds of Whisky are Single Malt, Blended Scotch (and Blended Malt)
  • Whiskey is made of beer (Add Barley and Yeast, distill it twice to get Spirit, put it in an oak cask for 3 years)
  • If you mix 2 whiskeys of different ages in the same oak cask, the whiskey takes the age of the youngest (Say you put a 12 year old whiskey with an 18 year old = 12)
  • In Summer, the whiskey interacts more with the wood inside the oak
  • The use of a Narrow-From-The-Top tasting glass is so, so the taste is centralized, the aroma stays in the whiskey
  • No two whiskies are identical
  • To keep the taste of the whiskey, do not add ice (because it is water) Water Cools Down and changes the taste of whiskey
  • There is no specific age for a whiskey to be bottled; it just needs to be ready; different casks mature differently
  • When emptying a cask, Master Distillers keep a couple of liters inside to keep the cask moisturized between two generations.
  • The whiskey is much more intense if it is bottled in a brand new cask used for the first time, 50% less intense if it used the second time, 25% less intense the third time (usually casks are used for three generations)
  • Glen Moray works with 90,000 barrels a year (around 3 million bottles)

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How to Taste A Whiskey:

  • Hold it in the light, to start differentiating different blends of whiskey and their colors
  • Nose it, to know what to expect
  • Taste it

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What We Tasted:

Glen Moray:

The Classic Single Malt (6-7 years)
Taste: Malty Toffee Sweetness
I liked it, but you can definitely taste Barley in it, because it is young

 

The Classic Port Finish (40% alcohol)
Taste: Citrus, Apple, Pear, Cinnamon
I loved this one, I would recommend this whiskey to girls

 

Chardonnay Cask Finish
Taste: Unique, Spicy, Wine Flavor, Candy, Fruit Sweetness
I also would recommend this one to girls and not heavy whiskey drinkers

 

Peated Single Malt
Taste: burned turf, peat smoke, peated vegies
I would only recommend this one to a heavy smoker who stopped smoking and would want to feel some chimney, it’s too heavy I would imagine an oversized man drinking it on his porch while his wife cooks soup

 

12 Years Old
Taste: Sweatness, Dark Fruits, Red Berries, Vanilla, Oak Woody Element, Very subtle amount of smoke
This has more character, probably because it is 12 years old and that is the basic age of whiskey

 

15 Year Olds
Taste: Coffee bean, Cherry, Fruits, Bitter
I like this one more than the 12 year olds, it has more flavor
I would add to it 2 ice

 

18 Year Olds
Taste: TOO STRONG because it is 47.2% alcohol
You will need to add to it water

 

 

 

The KIP Project #NotYourAshta

I was personally a fan of the StillNotAskingForIt campaign that started in June 2014 in America, I am glad something similar is happening in Lebanon.

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You’ve probably seen all the #NotYourAshta posts recently posted on social media; basically this campaign is to raise awareness about the KIP Project.

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The KIP Project on Gender and Sexuality at AUB is in its second year of gathering and disseminating information related to gender and sexuality in Lebanon, as well as building bridges between different stakeholders working in the field.

On March 31 and April 1, 2017, a two-day academic conference will be held to support the production and dissemination of knowledge related to gender and sexuality issues.
The conference will be centered around the theme of gender-based discrimination and sexual harassment.

“To gear up for our multidisciplinary conference in 2017, centered around discrimination and sexual harassment, we’re preparing an online campaign falling within the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence. This internationally recognized campaign begins on November 25 – the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women- and ends on December 10 – Human Rights Day. To get the conversation started and raise awareness, this online campaign which seeks to shed light on the issue of street harassment in Lebanon.”

To know more about the conference and campaign, click here.

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What I want to say is: No Matter What A Girl Is Doing, No Matter How She Is Dancing, No Matter What She’s Wearing, NOTHING IS AN EXCUSE for any sexual harassment, and she still IS NOT ASKING FOR IT. 

We live in Lebanon, possibly the most annoying country in the world when it comes to doing what you love without worrying about people’s judgement and persecution – let alone Sexual Harassment. A liberal girl is often labeled as “Asking For It” even though most of the times, it is not the case.

Rape and sexual abuse/harassment is all around us everywhere we go (definitely on the streets). Because it is a taboo, girls often stay silent and do not share their stories. A person’s psychology and sexuality is often destroyed or disoriented due to such stories.

To know more about the #KIP2017 go to thekipproject.info

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Maya Acra Show Reel

I’ve edited my old show reel like 3 years ago of random university students (senior) projects, here’s a new one: more freaky; of only two projects I’ve done.

Khati2ati Takwa (Anas Arabi Song)
Character: girlfriend
– Bed Time Story (Valerie Yaacoub Senior Movie)
Character: Belle

Khati2ati Takwa – Anas Arabi M Music

What some people don’t know about me is that my main passion is acting. I enjoy playing a character that is so far away from me, or that I have inside me; put myself in her shoes till whatever I am shooting is done.

Playing this girlfriend in Khati2ati Takwa (click to watch) was really daring and different. In the song, Anas Arabi states that he made her a trap, then he fell in it – to protect her from falling. This is a love song of all the destructive love/hate relationships of not knowing what tomorrow holds, of being weak, and still not giving up and not caring… 

She still wants to spend another day with him, let go and enjoy the wind, and dance.. the night away.

Whatsapp Stories? Wha…

So I guess everyone is doing it now?

Most of you know that I am a firm believer and a heavy user of Snapchat, however I do post stories on both instagram and Snapchat. 

I just got these leaked pictures of WHATSAPP STORIES, not sure they are official though, but they seem like a test dummy for a new update.

I personally do not have all my snapchat friends on Instagram – and definitely not on whatsapp, so I do not see this whatsapp update as threatening to my “stories activity”.

Many people I know though, shifted from Snapchat to Instagram stories since it made more sense – they have both their friends and the main pages they follow on Instagram; they wouldn’t be missing on anything (no major FOMOs).

Whatsapp stories would make more sense for those who use Snapchat to check their friends updates; those who are more private.

Probably Whatsapp Stories would target:

  • Private Instagram users who refrain from uploading insta stories  because of the two people they don’t know that they accepted last Monday
  • 30 and above who do not really care about celebrities or follow major news and celebrity/fashion/influencers pages
  • People who never used Snapchat or instagram stories and never really got it “because it’s too complicated”
  • Jealous boyfriends and girlfriends who already change their whatsapp pictures into black and their status into “pimping” and “single” when they’re on a fight

I think it will be less common among the youngsters since their parents and aunts have their whatsapp contacts – and no kid wants his grandma to know he is having fries for lunch at Burger King instead of her Kebbeh.

Thoughts?

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Thank you Ahmad Ki for the leak!

With Love!
M

Nothing Pops Out of Nowhere – M Thoughts

“Look into the depths of your own soul and learn first to know yourself, then you will understand why this illness was bound to come upon you and perhaps you will thenceforth avoid falling ill.”
– Sigmund Freud

Motivation quotes are everywhere and they say such quotes make sense to only people with low IQ. However, I have wanted to share this for a long time and tonight my state of mind is right.
Everything that happens in your life, whether it is a mood swing or god forbids cancer (I believe), is the result of something you did or thought or said or felt consciously or unconsciously. To be able to cure from any disease, depression, failure, broken heart, or ache you need to first and foremost DIG DEEP and Learn To Know Yourself.

All your actions are justified, all your mistakes root from somewhere, all your insecurities were somehow triggered, and all your health issues did not just pop for no reason.

When you lose your purse, you go back in your memory and try to remember the last time you used it. You try to track your steps so you can think of the possibilities of where your wallet might be.

Similarly everything you lose can be sought after. Whether it is your happiness, your good health, your soberness, your faith, your heart, your good will, your dignity, your ego, your trust in others, your self-confidence, your freedom, your wonder, or Your Spark!

Dig, try to figure out the cause and start gluing the pieces. Go back to the last time you believed or loved or were happy, and think of what happened after that.

It is not until I realized that my back injury was a result of being surrounded by bad negative vibes, hatred, stress, fatigue, jealousy, routine, a bad lifestyle, a crooked posture, destructive people, sleep deprivation, and an unbalanced diet – which, all piled up, led me to do that wrong move at the gym that I started getting better. It was not just the move itself, it was the state of mind I was in while I carried those weights, I knew I was hurting my back – but still didn’t stop.

which brings me to..

Not everyone is destructive, but many of us are. We often hurt ourselves willingly due to a lack of selflove. If you do not Love Yourself, Stop Your Life and Learn to Love Yourself. Loving yourself is not a power trip – it does not mean stepping on those around you it means the exact opposite.

When you love yourself, you seize the opportunities that come your way perfectly, you believe that you deserve everything life is giving you, you set your standards higher, you attract the right people – the right vibes, you grow – and you glow. The more you glow, the more you will intimidate (you can read this with hate to find gaps) or motivate (you can also read this with wonder to find hope).

which brings me to..

If your past is not letting you love yourself, Learn to Forgive Yourself. I tried this NLP Exercise with a wiseman, and it turned out that I feel better if I held both my arms with my arms – hugged myself. Hug Yourself often and learn to let go off your mistakes. We live in a sick world – everyone is untrue – everyone lies and hides. It gets contagious, unfortunately. Erase whatever reason makes you believe you deserve any less than you thought you deserved. Delete whatever memory convinces you you’re not worthy of good things.

While you’re doing that, forgive others and put yourselves in their shoes.

While you’re doing that, love those who destroyed you because they made you you.

Once you love yourself more, you will become healthier and less destructive. It becomes less likely for you to fall ill or tired, or to get injured – and more likely to be healthy, happy, and prospering.

Enough for tonight,
Finally, Bashir has been waiting for me to post this picture (cover) for ages.

Picture Credit: BashirBouRaffoul

Much Love!
M

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