Remember the ID, the EGO, and the SUPER-EGO?!
I guess most of you have stumbled upon these three terms at one point in their lives. If not, here’s an explanation:
*you can skip it if you know about these terms*
“Id, ego and super-ego are the three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche; they are the three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction mental life is described. According to this model of the psyche, the id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organized, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralizing role. The id is governed by the ‘pleasure principle’- i.e.: everything that is pleasurable is good – and it’s the animalistic part of us. The Super-ego aims for perfection. It comprises that part of the personality, mainly unconscious, which includes the individual’s ego ideals, spiritual goals, and the psychic agency (conscience) that criticizes and prohibits his or her drives, fantasies, feelings, and actions. The ego is the surface of the personality, the part you usually show the world. Its task is to find a balance between primitive drives and reality while satisfying the id and super-ego.”
No, this is not Freudism, it’s actually heartism.
HEARTism substitutes the super-ego by the MIND and the id by the HEART. Just like the super-ego, the mind differentiates the right from the wrong; it has morals, rules conduct, convictions, far thinking, and so on… and just like the id the heart has no rules, no restrictions; has nothing wrong, it just loves what it loves with no explanation, verification, cause, and reason.
1. Pre-relationship Period
The heart says
“He’s amazing, he’s everything I want, everything I’m looking for. All the things I hated in my previous exes are in-existent in him. He’s different, he’s like a guy version of me, and he understands me. He’s always there, he loves me, he cares, I love him! I will never ever meet a guy like him in my life, if I miss my chances now, I will regret it later… plus, I do not want to see him dating another girl, I want him to be mine! Forever!!! Love’s not always a sad ending right!? All my friends think he’s cool, I definitely should go for it!”
The mind says
“Tatabatata akuna matata, oh please. Blind (blond) heart, go back in time when you said the exact same thing about that last guy you dated. Alzheimer much? Wasn’t he your male version too, your prince charming, your bou bou la baba perfect guy!? Then, you figured out that there are other things you hate in him just like all your other ex-boyfriends? Let another girl have him so what?! No guy is worth it! Enjoy being single for once. Pff! Yours forever, Disney Chanel princess? Grow up. One of you will eventually lose feelings, hurt the other part, cheat on him, or DIE. That’s life. Sorry to burst your bubble, Cinderella. Do NOT go for it!”
The girl with the dominant heart:
Ego says “Oh fu*k you mind, what a love pooper! The LAST guy was not like this guy, plus that was a year ago, I’m so much older and wiser now, I know what I want, and I know that this guy is different. I will go for it, and you’ll see, I will prove you wrong for once.”
The girl with the dominant mind:
Ego says “You know what mind!? You’re my best friend, I can’t believe I was falling for a guy-trap again, it’s a disease. I should always listen to you. Thank you! Thank you! Why should I go through guy drama and heart-ache again, I had enough! Oh, what would I do without you?! I found a T-shirt yesterday at Zara that says SINGLE&FABULOUS, I’m definitely getting it tomorrow! *wink wink*”
2. Hopping into a relationship
When we listen to our heart, we hop in to a relationship with ‘the perfect person’.
Heart says, “See Mr. Mind, I’m so happy and I’m safe in good hands. He treats me perfectly. I’m so content I didn’t listen to your ‘logic’.”
Mind says, “I guess I may have been wrong, I’m happy you’re happy, I’ll give this person a chance. I guess he deserves it”.
3. Relationship Gone Wrong
Heart says, “Everything has changed. He’s changed. I’ve changed. You were right Mind, he’s aint perfect after all, every while I discover something about him that I hate. Plus, it’s all getting routinish and boring, I’m having more fun with my other guy friends, all this relationship is going to blank, I don’t get why I even started dating him!! How did you let me!!? I, so, want to break up with him! I’m just waiting for the right moment! Pf!!”
It says, “I can’t takeeeeeeeeeee iiiittttttttttttt anymoreeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! That asshole deserves to be sunk in the toilet seat and pooped on, I hate his guts, I’m crying every week because of his actions. I hate him! I hate him. I don’t know why I was fooled by appearances. I should’ve listened to you Mind! Pf! I don’t know if I should keep the heart-ache going on, if I should keep on giving him chances or just let him f*ck the hell off!”.
Mind says, “Break up with him NOW and do not give him second chances, stop wasting your time on a person that will only cause you drama and heartache. Sorry but I have to say this >>> I TOLD YOU SO!”
4. The Break Up
You broke up with Mr. Perfect:
Mind: “way to go! Finally you can have some quality time with yourself. Enjoy being alone for a while, and do not give in to the loneliness, and do not go back to him even if he pleads to, if didn’t work the first time, it won’t now. Period”
Heart: “but I kind of miss him though, I thought I wouldn’t miss him! But I do, I don’t know why I was looking at his defaults when I was with him, he’s better than all these losers hitting on me. Plus, he’s always telling me to go back to him and that he’s changed! I guess he did change! Maybe I should give him a second chance.”
The girl with the dominant heart:
Ego says: “I will give him a second chance. He deserves it. If I were him and he was me I would’ve expected a second chance from him.”
The girl with the dominant mind:
Ego says: “Second chances are tiresome dances, just every time you think you miss Mr. Not So Perfect think of the things that used to irritate you in him and you’ll be alright. He’s just in the denial phase that’s why he’s asking for a second chance0, give him some time and he will be over it, so catch yourself together and get over your drama.”
5. Post-relationship period
*Just try to not repeat the cycle of lousy relationships over and over again*
According to my little understanding, a smart person should:
– Always have a middle ground, and try to be a rational being with feelings – even if your heart is happy try to always listen a bit to your mind i.e.: logic.
– Not leap into a relationship with a person having minimal knowledge about him with high hopes
– Try to be the stronger part in the relationship and don’t cry for a person that wouldn’t cry for you
– If you think the person is worth it, give him a second chance. There is no rule for second chances, but wait a bit before giving a person a second try. Try to live for A WHILE without him, if you think his presence in your life is fundamental, give him a second chance and keep a keen eye on him, if he didn’t change like he said he did, break up again and do not think twice
– Let a person work hard to gain your trust, don’t be a trust philanthropist
Are these rules?! Not really, just few notes to avoid some heartache and drama. Love has no rules, and only few relationships are based on true unconditional love. If you are in one, work your best to keep it, do not ruin it, and do not give in to temptation or chances are you’re going to regret it later. Too many fish in the sea… NOT. Your soul mate is out there, if you didn’t find him yet… be patient and goodluck.