FB Stalker and IT Girl

Hello Lebanese Facebook Stalker =)
Let me give you some tips of how to become less rejected by girls on facebook.

Rule Number 1.

Your profile pictures:

If you are planning on adding a girl on facebook, try not to have these kinds of profile pictures on:
– Pictures of you in a “club” (i.e.:cabaret) with really vulgar girls wearing disgusting outfits surrounding you (girls will think that you are a walking sperm and will be repulsed by you)
– Random pictures of things, objects, logos, girls with football teams costumes, colors, insects….. and not a single picture of yourself (girls will think you either do not exist i.e.:a fake profile, or that you’re a 12 year old kid trying to have a facebook experience… OR that you’re extremely ugly to put a picture of yourself!)
– Really perverted pictures that will only attract your gay click of guy friends AND your gay click of guyfriends.
– Pictures of you that I call “m3affnin”.
Examples:
1. dull pictures of you in your “village” with trees behind you and the sun sparkling right in front of your eyes that u seem like puking (constipated) while taking your “sexy pose”: ‘yalla khod l soura l shames bi 3ayne bade 7ata 3a facebook’. If it’s one in a million, it’s f-i-n-e, but if all your pictures are like that, chances are you’re gna be NOT NOW-ed!!!
2. A series of profile pictures with the same outfit taking different “poses” in your living room.. Facebook picture social suicide!? = you putting your sunglasses (“Ray-Banz”, “Okliz”) indoor while taking your pose.
3. Really old pictures taken by your phone back in 2007 when you were the techno and trance dude with the faire on your hair(in a 1.5 Megapixels camera) , and no recent photos. (wozz?! Ebba zouzou)
4. Profile Pictures of yourself in your “MOBILETTE”-bicyclette while you’re lifting it up from all sides. Ebba Zouzou (if you are a biker with a really nice bike, I ain’t speaking about you)
5. Finally, pictures of yourself taken by yourself in the toilet mirror with the flash showing is not cool. Note: if you have a really nice body that you’ve been working so hard on building up, try to wait for a beach day and take a profile picture of your abs. It’s a bit better than taking pictures of your body in your sister’s room’s mirror and uploading them on facebook, even though a lot of girls you know would actually “like” such photos, the girls who do not know you will think you are pretentious.

If you just deleted all your profile pictures, I’ll be glad to take a profile picture of you. It’ll be a fresh new start for you, yeyyyyyyy ^-^

Rule Number 2.
Pokes.
If you do not know a girl, do not poke her. Imagine it’s real life. You’re in a bar, you see a cute girl, you get your index finger and you poke her on her shoulder. Have you ever done that?! If yes, you’ve got issues. No one does that! I do not know about the rest of the girls, but I never ever check who poked me!!!

Rule Number 3.
Random Facebook messages.
If you have decent pictures, a girl may reply to your facebook message even if she doesn’t really know you except if you:

…I wish I can copy paste some examples but that would be mean.

I’ll paraphrase some:
“hey their, you is so hut, do u want to be friend of me?!
please add me on msn, deathspiderplayer666_12@hotmail.com or ommak@hotmail.com”

First, it is there* and Are* and Hot*. If you want to send a message, try typing it on Microsoft Word at least, just for your Grammar mistakes.
Please add me on msn?! Why would a girl add you on msn if she doesn’t know you?! And please with the emails, no girl will find a player666 email digestible to add or a Lebanese swear word!! Seriously!

“when I saw your picture I fell inlove with your smile,
Your smile is like a flower in the middle of the meadows,
Everyone around you seems like cactuses,
Yes yes, you have captured my heart and spirit,
You have uplifted my soul,
Your lips, your eyes, your long hair,
It makes my heart pound like Shakespeare!”

DUDE. You cannot possibly send that as a message. The girl you send this to will show this to all her girlfriends and laugh for hours, to her guyfriends to feel that she’s cool, and to her boyfriend or crush to let them feel she’s wanted. She might also show it to her dad, and her dad might come to you and smash your head choke you a little and stuff. If she replies saying “oh that’s sweet” she’s just replying to have more laughs with her friends. That’s IT.
If not the above, she’ll probably think you send this to every girl you see on facebook… Oh just forget it, just don’t send poems.

“hey sexy, want to have some fun!?;)”
Do not practice your Cabaret skills on a girl you like on facebook.

Finally, messages with Arabic poems, like the ones written on the back of Lebanese trucks are quite only for trucks, do not send them to girls. That is so truck-able!

Now let’s say you got lucky, passed the tests, and you’re now friends with the IT girl.

Rule Number 4.
Comments.

Liking a girl’s picture and commenting on it is quite cute, she will feel flattered and it will lift up her self-confidence.
Comments like “nice picture, cute, I like this, I love this, you look really pretty, you look like Angelina Joli, wowwwww, hot!” are okay!
However, remember the dude with the flower in the meadow filled of cactuses?! Now flower-in-a-meadow-filled-with-cactuses kind of comments to a girl you barley know are………… weird. Do not write poems, she will not notice you more, she will avoid you more, chances are she might even “unfriend” you. Shit, back to level zero huh?! Do not also comment on each and every single picture she uploads one second after uploading it, you might scare her out. Do not flirt with her on pictueres, she’ll think you are a pervert. Enough said.

Rule Number 5.
Facebook Chat. I know it’s your favorite hangout place 😉

1. Do not talk to yourself.

Facebook stalker:
Hi
Hi
Hi
Hi
Hey
Hey
Wouuuuhouuuuuu
I think your picture is really cute!!!
Why aren’t you answering?
Are you busy!?!?!
If you’re busy, why are you online?!
Kifik?!
Today was really fun, I played basketball, what did you do?!
An really?! COOL! hahaha joking
Why aren’t you replying?!
Shit, I feel like I’m talking to myself (REAAAALLYYYYYY? u feel that?!)
Why the hell do u not answer!?
Why did you accept me as ur friend then!?
You know what!? You’re full of shit, I thought you are a nice person!
Oh really!? You won’t answer?!
Heyyyyyyyyyyy
Heyyyyyyyyyyy
Please answer me,
Are you mad at me!? Im sorry I ddnt mean what I said I was just joking:p
Ahahahhaha
Why aren’t you replying!?
Wanna hear a joke?!
Guess not! :\
but my jokes are funny!:S
heyyyyyyyyyy
answer!!!:S :S

*here the girls notices the red 48 flashing on the bottom of her facebook page*

ITgirl:
Umm!? Sorry I ddn’t see you speaking, i wasn’t on the laptop! uf 48 lines!?! (adde bet3abbe bel tankeh 3ammo? If a girl doesn’t reply she’s busy, chillax!!!!)

2. Do not speak to her the second she goes online, she’ll think you’re weird/a stalker. Wait a bit, and do not do number one (talk to yourself) when you start to speak.
3. Breathe a little, she may be busy, do not babble a lot, even if you’re excited that you’re talking to her, just breathe in, breathe out and relax.
4. If you like her, do not attack or mock her, she’ll hate you. Do not tell her “I really like you!!!!!!!!” either; she’ll think you’re weird, you barely know her if you tell her “I think you’re quite interesting I’d love to get to know you better”, she might answer you positively.

If you think I am being arrogant, mean, annoying, I don’t care, I think I’m being actually helpful! Sooooooo Goodluck!!!!!! 😀

And, if you think you’re not a stalker, then why are you here stalking my blog? Haha just kidding! Thanks for reading!!!!!!!! Kisses!

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