Tarakna, 3al Golden Sands ya Shabeb!?

After being with his girlfriend for two years, and just about the middle of summer, a Lebanese guy tells his girlfriend -the sentence we all fear -‘I want to see you, we need to talk’. She dresses up all sexy, thinking that if he’s contemplating breaking up with her, once he sees how HOT she actually is, he’ll think again,

But…

GUY: *blab la blab la bla* ……..Let’s break up for like a month, and if you still love me after it, we’ll be back! I really love you, I know how hot you are, that’s why I think YOU DESERVE to have fun this Summer… like go out, act crazy… you know!? It’s SUMMER!

GIRL *awww he’s so nice, he cares about me and he wants me to have fun this summer!*: Hmm… so what, I’d rather go crazy with you! I don’t want to break up!! I love you! I want to spend all summer with you /and winter and next year and forever and babies and baby clothes and cotton candy…/, I have all Summer planned up in my little pink book of Summer 2011 Plans! Jessica even gave me some few ideas!

GUY *hmm Jessica’s smokin’ hot, I hope she included herself in the plans… wait what!?* : No!!!…. Baby… I mean you should have FUN, hook up with other guys, not necessarily Lebanese ones… enjoy your summer!

GIRL: not Lebanese!? Hein? Tell me why you really want this baby… *I hope it’s not…*

GUY: FINE! I’m going to Varna with the guys next Monday! *SHIT, she wasn’t supposed to know that NOW!*

GIRL *phiewwww! I thought there was someone else!* : Oh okay, we’ll break up till you’re back.


(No, it didn’t happen with ME but it is happening all around me, YES IT IS… so I felt like writing about it)

The Varna/Aya Nappa Phenomenon:

There is nothing wrong in hooking up with girls when you’re not in your home country, but Lebanese guys seem to travel only FOR that. I decided to write this article because I’ve checked out more than 7 albums of guys in Aya Napa, Varna, or Marmaris on facebook, and they made me laugh my *** off…

1. Pictures of Cabaret and Strip Clubs.

Throughout my 20 years of LIFE, only 3 guys opened up to me and told me that they have been to a strip club in Lebanon (of course they only “watched”). The other 99.9% all expressed to me their hatred and disgust to such places, all with the same phrase, ‘I would never pay for s**’. However, in their AyaNapaVarnaMarmaris (let’s call them haba haba land) albums and according to their told stories, they ALL go to such places there – and take pictures.

A strip club is a strip club, so it’s either you lie to us about the Lebanese strip clubs OR you’re so effing economically stupid. A Lebanese strip club is closer and somehow /if you consider the whole travel package/ cheaper than a Haba Haba Land one.

2. Pictures of Random Girls.

When I saw some pictures, I felt like the following conversations occurred before taking the pictures..

it’s either:

“hey!!! Can I take a picture with you”
“why?!” *Weirdo!?*
“ummm… you’re pretty.. please?! I’ll pay you a hundred grand?”
*giggles* “eukh fine! But don’t upload them on face book!”
“ofcourse NOT!!”
*girl looks at the camera with a WTF constipated face* *picture uploaded on face book*

that can be explained by: pretty Lebanese girls would actually find out you uploaded their pictures on facebook because we all know each other, a friend of a friend will eventually tag her, however haba haba girls will never know, so you’d come and tell us

“hey, yea baby, you Lebanese girls are so show-offs, see that hottie, you don’t want to know what happened between us that night;)”

The other set of pictures are the ones where the girls are actually smiling to the camera.

Now, that can be verified by either more than a hundred grand or that you actually got some girl’s interest. STRIIKE! Yey you… But, why face book? If you are making out with a girl in some club, taking pictures of you doing so and uploading them on facebook are… hmmm… *make use of your imagination*

I’d like to mention here that nature allows you to take pictures and keep them to yourself. There is no new rule that makes you upload all your camera and phone’s memory cards on facebook.

But it’s not just about the pictures. Most ‘on a month break’ guys won’t upload their photos on facebook, or would ask to not be tagged by their friends. It is just the whole concept. People all around the world travel to enjoy a vacation, to get away from their everyday life /stress… not to break up with their girls and have some boom-boom time abroad – if some boom-boom time did happen, great, I’m not saying the opposite.

I’d like to share this with you. When I was at Istanbul, we were with the guides in a resting area, it’s like a huge garden that has a view to all Istanbul. We were all given 2 hours to do whatever we want. I spotted a guy sitting alone listening to “Me and My Girlfriend” for 2pac repeatedly on his phone.

Chorus:
All I need in this life of sin,
Is me and my girlfriend
Down to ride to the bloody end
Just me and my girlfriend

-he wasn’t gay, he was actually handsome-

That was two summers ago, but I still remember how he was sitting with his head down to his knees, on his vacation tour, listening to a song that reminds him of his girlfriend. *no, I wasn’t dreaming*

I’m not asking of you to be Father Theresa, but these are some points I’d like to tell you:

– If you are in a real relationship, you wouldn’t have the zeal to break up with your girlfriend a week before traveling or even to do anything with anyone else. Moreover, if you are really real, even if you got some girl pregnant, your real girl would understand (but let’s not do that)

– If you are traveling for s**, just have a look around you. Hints: Maamelten, Hamra, Gemmayze, Berj Hamoud, all Hotels, escort agencies, universities, pubs, clubs, Burger King

– If you want to upload Haba Haba Land photos on facebook, try to exclude: ~girls with constipated faces (it will make you seem pathetic),
~you making out with girls (it will make you look frustrated),
and finally,
~pictures of you in Strip Clubs if you claimed your whole life to be Strip-Club-phobic

Guys, according to your high testosterone levels and instinct, your biology screams polygamy, that is no hidden fact, it is actually science. According to his biology, a guy tends to have conception to the biggest amount of ‘healthy’ girls, in order to reproduce. It is only religion and society that requires him to be loyal and apply monogamy.
You are not an asshole if you have the tendency to wander off your mate. However, as long as you are not married, nothing restricts you to be with your girlfriend. NOTHING. If you feel you’re not happy, satisfied, or content, just leave her. If you are about to travel and you are in love, just be honest when you come back, a break or a break up will only worsen the relationship.

Honestly, A LOT of those who traveled to Haba Haba Lands told me they didn’t do a thing there – many also did.

Just don’t gloat to the social media that you did –if you did, no one cares. Live for YOUR own happiness, comfort, and ease.

There is no criterion. There are NO signs there with: Now you should cheat on your lover, so you should break up, or else you DIE…

Girls, understand that if your boyfriend travels there with his guy friends, chances are many that he won’t cheat on you. If he did, understand him and do not come down on him. Understand your boyfriend’s biology. If you have the resources, offer to accompany him with your girlfriends. You, too, aren’t forced to be with any guy, even if he were the hottest guy at your high school or college, and all the girls want to be with him.

All I’m asking for is: have less fake relationships and search for something fulfilling and real.

With (only) love,
M

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Valet

Two days ago,

I was at Gemmayze, I parked for the first time NOT IN A PARKING, but on the side of the street.

When I came to take my car, a rented car was parked next to my car blocking my way.

Another car was also blocking the way of the car parked behind me.

Both cars had tickets.

To my surprise there were valet tokens on the window glass of both cars.

YES The VALET parked them there,

On the spot, a Valet guy with the same name of valet company on his t-shirt as the valet tokens came on his mobilette and tried to help me. He offered to drive my car and move it but I couldn’t trust him with my car, plus there was NO WAY my car cld get out

I could eventually get out because two guys (one of them being the Valet guy and the other an Egyptian worker at a Gas station over there) ACTUALLY CARRIED THE CAR parked in front of me and moved it to the side so that I could get out.

I was really thankful.

Now,

When a person goes out and gives his car to a valet person and pays him at least 3 dollars, the least he expects is that the valet guy will park his car at a RIGHT SPOT.

Plus, when it’s a rented car, the car rental companies aren’t supposed to take responsibility of tickets even their clients aren’t aware of (the valet dude will most probably throw away the ticket)…

When I told this story to few of my friends, one of them mentioned that a valet guy didn’t find his friend’s car, which was rented as well. His friend had to pay 10% of the car’s price to the car rental place.

How can I trust the valet guys when I see this? And how are we supposed to trust them with OUR CARS when we witness these events with our own bare eyes!

Moreover,

I’d like to pinpoint that the Valet guy eventually drove next to me in his mobilette and asked me if I live near Gemmayze.

No, hater, I am not being an arrogant and self confident bimbo – but I thought the job description of valet guys does not include hitting on girls during work hours, blocking people’s ways, and causing drivers and car rental institutions trouble.

this is not a generalization, just a notice.

بسّ نحنا هيك سْتيلْنا

أنا لبناني اناني شايف حالي

بعرف نص لبنان, مين أدّي؟

بسّ أكيد ما بحبّ حدا منّن وبحكي بضَهرُن كلّن

أكيد هنّي كمين بيِحكو بِضهري,

بسّ نحنا هيك

“Stylna”

إنّو كيف بدّنا نِتسَلّا؟

وَأْتى بشوفون بِ

Sky Bar

أوْ بلْ

Gemmayze

بسَلّم عْلَيُن

3adeh!

هيك بتحسّني صاحبتي شي خرية كبيرة ، فْهِمت عْلَيّي؟

أصْلَن هيّي كمان بحكي علايا مَع

“my broz”

إنو أصْلَن ما لح إتجَوّزا, إنّو عمْبِتسَلّى، هيّي مَيتة علَيّي و عَمصْرِيّاتي وعَ

……

بَس هَيْإِتا مش سامعة إنّو بِلبنان كلّ شَبّ بصِحّلّو بِ ٧ بنات

إنّو وَأْتا بِصُحُّلّي ما بْخلّي بِنِت من شرّي! شو مْفَكَّرْني لوطي؟

إنّو عندي

CHALLET BI FARAYA

ولْ بنات بلبنان بِ سَخِسْخو وَقْتا يِسْمَعو فَرَيّا

….

Actually,

أنا بِصحِلّي بشي ٧٠

MINIMUM!!

مش شايِف كيف لْشَباب لْباءيين شكلُن مِتِل أ…..؟؟

أصْلَن

Pappi w Mammi

شايفينّي ومش مسَدْءين

إنّو أنا بِل

NDU و hek

بَسّْ حرام ما بيَعرفو إنّو عامِل ٣ مرّات

Drop Semester!

مش لأَنّو أنا مصطول بسّْ بتعرِف ما إِلي جلادة فوت عَلْصفوف بفَضّل لَتْلِتْ عَلْعالام بِل

Cafeteria

وْأكيد أحلى شي عنْدي خَبّر شو مْخَبْرينّي

“MY BROS”

عَنْ

exxeton 😉

ما في أحلى منّا ةتطّلّع صيت بنات الجامعة

أكيد بزيد بهار وزيت عَ كلّ شي لَيْسيروا لْخَبريّات

JUICY aktar,

3ADEH… chill!!;)

كلّ الأساتذة أصحابي لأنّو كلّ واحَد عايِد صفّي معو شي ٤ مرّات

MINIMUM …

شو بدّي خَبْرَك بَعِد؟

An eh,

سِيّارتي >sport

بغَيّرلا لْ جنوطة وِلْ فريميت كلّ جِمِعتين عَل تُشفيت

أكيد وَلا حاجز بيِحكيني شي وَقتا بْإِلّون إسم

“pap”

شو هدفي؟

ماشي إتجَوّز شي بنت عاقلة بهلة

مش بايِسس تمّا غير إمّا

ترَبيلي ولادي كرمال أنا إفْلُت و إءْدَر خونا

أنا >loyal? >>>Nsiya!!

هاها

مُهم ما تكون ذكية وشلّوف! وَجعة راص! دَخيلك

مسيحي وعَ صدري لْ صليب

لْعضرا، لْ سلام عَ إسما

أنا أكيد ما بْتِتركني ولا دقيقة لأنّو كلللّ تصرّوفاتي بتمجّد إسم الله

مِش صح؟؟

يلّي بيِسْتَرْجي يقولْ >لاء

ehhh………>

لَنِي.. إختو!! هاها

yalla shefneik khayyeh. tekram 😉