Adolethoughts

Somewhere along the way, everything collapsed
Everything I’ve ever learned,
Everything I’ve fought for
Everything I believed
It all changed,

As if they were lying to me,
As if all the books, philosophers, and religions spoke of the absurd

Is this what should happen?!
Should I come to this realization?
Or is it a sin?

Somewhere along the way, I lost my self

I became the person they warned me of
The person I never felt I’ll become

Is it normal?
Is it how life is?

You research the consequences of things,
You formulate convictions and beliefs,
You create your personality

Then when ‘you’re out there’,
You forget what your parents and teachers have taught you, and what you read
You contradict your own rules of conduct,
Your own morals and values

You look at yourself in the mirror, and directly look away
Or try to put on some makeup
To change the way you look
To cover up all the insecurities and disbelief
Of the monster staring back at you
Trying to possess your presence

You cover your eyes and open them again
Only to see a reflection
Of what you were like
5 years ago
When you were still a child, a kid, a student, and a believer*
*not a belieber 😉

You realize that
Somewhere along the way, someone or something took your soul from you and played dice
Somewhere along the way, you sold your soul

And never thought twice

But now, you don’t want it… but demand it back…
Not your innocence but your values,
Not your ignorance but your experience,
Not your fear but your vigilance,
Not your selfishness but your arrogance

It’s just a phase,
The one who doesn’t pass through it
Should envy the one who has
For he will be forever enlightened and wise
To never get back there,
To share his scrutiny
And to push the ones stuck in it for a brighter life

M.

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So I heard…

You know I wrote my first poem when I was nine. Its title was: people’s sayings.

It went as following:
I talked to you, people said I liked you
I played with you, people said I loved you ( played as in chase, in school )
I walked with you, people said (whatever , I forgot… (walked as in walked together during the school’s recess) )
Then, the poem goes like I lost you, because of what they said. It was something like I lost a friend because of people’s sayings.

In this poem I was meaning Chang, a friend in school. He used to like me, but I hated the fact that people talked a lot and made us grow apart because of their bullshit.
Now THAT was a long time ago.
But, still the fact that people only mean harm doesn’t change. Sometimes it is not that they MEAN harm, sometimes it’s just that they CAUSE harm.

One dire truth I learned: DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY, they might DESTROY you.

I’ll talk about two important aspects people can interfer in: our dreams and our relationships.



dreams.

Every kid has a dream, and dreams usually range from being something very reachable, logical, and simple to being very ambitious, irrational, and absurd.

A girl who wishes to become a fashion designer tells her family, her teachers, and her friends of her dream. Chances are most of them will crush that dream. “A fashion designer?? Seriously?! Keep dreaming kiddo, that dream ain’t becoming real… Ever…” is what her uncle will most probably say. Her brother will most likely make fun of her by telling her she has no taste at all. Her mother will tell her of her own dream at childhood of becoming a princess. She’ll tell her childhood dreams are always absurd.
Then, comes her teacher – to most students, teachers are the ones who know-it-all, since they are so perfect to do mistakes because hey, they’re the ones who are teaching them everything and correcting their mistakes in exams. So, the teacher will ofcourse come against the little girl by telling her that she should focus on her studies and not dream that silly dream. She has a long way of studying math, physics, biology, history, philosophy, English, and so on… fashion designing is a whole new world, unrelated to her world.


Now, the girl will be hammered, smashed, but will soon get over it- and get over her DREAM.

At the age of 16, she’ll realize that a lot of people out there are actually fashion designers and are not Martians. She’s love it again, and decide that after high school, she’ll major in fashion design!

Here comes everyone to smash her AGAIN. She guesses they’re right. She did study all that physics, math, English, sociology, philosophy, history… afterall! After fifteen years of school and hardwork, she is not going to throw that all away because of a stupid childhood dream! So, she’ll probably major in a major that her surrounding will label as “SAFE”, regardless if she likes it or not. “You don’t want to be a dependant woman do you? You should be a financially independent woman! We are in the 21st century!” always echoes in her head.

At the age of 41, she’ll meet an old school friend- whom in turn destroyed her dreams when they were young. To her surprise, this friend grew up to be a fashion designer! The Hammered Girl will remind her of her old criticisms and mocking back in the days when they were young, and the fashion designer will smile saying, ”oh we were just kids! Plus, I worked hard to be here, and I didn’t listen to anyone’s opinion. If I did, I’ll be some lame business woman, a serious boring engineer, or a fat lifeless doctor- or nurse since I was not that bright in biology”. Here, serious boring engineer aka Hammered Girl will go silent. Fashion Designer will be surprised,” don’t tell me you are one of those, omg, I am so sorry I don’t mean those are bad professions, if you love them and you fit there, I am sure you’re happy,…….”

Here, Hammered Girl will look at Fashion Designer not hearing a thing, thinking of only one sentence “ I didn’t listen to anyone’s opinion”. Why didn’t SHE do the same?

Why did she listen to the people who crushed her? But, it’ll be too late! She will still have to go to her office each day, do her boring job, and go back home check some websites and magazines about the latest trends, watch a bit of fashion tv, then sleep early so that she’ll be able to wake up early the next morning for some BORING BORING work.

“DREAM BIG, BECAUSE DREAMS DO COME TRUE”


relationships.

People love to gossip.
Some gossips are actually true. They’d reveal the hidden truth, so they’d uncover the liar’s lies, and let the lied-to person judge. But usually, gossips are somehow malleable. Meaning that people usually fold the truth so that the gossip will become more juicy, and worth gossiping about.

Many friends grow apart because of people.
Many relationships end because of what ‘they heard’.

When a part in a relationship hears something from a third part, he might not believe it, but their trust towards the other part in the relationships starts to shake. And once the other part shows any kind of distrustful actions, the part who has heard something will lose his trust completely to the other person.

Without trust, a relationship would fail since it becomes meaningless. The other part will not understand what happened, and chances are he will never get what really went wrong since the third part who interfered threatened the person who has heard something of NOT TELLING ANYONE ( aka the other part in the relationship ), because he doesn’t like to interfere and cause problems. HELLO!?! YOU ALREADY DID YOU ASS HOLE!

The first part in the relationship will actually keep this trust going on with the 3rd part and won’t say anything to the shocked part in the whole story, because of the great concern the third part has shown him. How nice of him to actually step forward and reveal the truth, and how foolish he were to not know it all along!!

Still, that truth may be so insignificant for the shocked part that he will keep on asking WHYs, because his reason isn’t letting him know the answer.

Two years later, the shocked part will know what really happened. He’ll explain to the first part that whatever she heard is untrue, and that people were just messing up with her head! The first part will not digest the idea properly, might either not believe him- since trust is wouhou inexistent anymore, or will actually believe what the shocked part is saying but will tell him it’s too late now.

Now the first part will know something about the third part’s friend or lover and step forward to tell her/him. The third part will tell the first part that he doesn’t believe him, and will go on with his relationship.

BANG! “Why didn’t I not believe what he said two years earlier!?!” asks himself the first part.

NEVER LET ANYONE COME IN BETWEEN YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON, BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU TWO HAVE BEEN THROUGH, ARE FACING, AND WILL EXPERIENCE IN THE FUTURE. AND WHATEVER YOU HEAR, CONFRONT THE PERSON ON THE SPOT, BECAUSE TRUST ME, IF YOU WERE HIM AND HE WERE YOU, HE WOULD CONFRONT THAT PERSON RIGHT AWAY!

People are never happy for you, so spare yourself the questions.

Names are changed.

Also found on : http://mayaakra8.blogspot.com/

Cynical Much?!

To many, I am young. To many, I do not have the experience to share my so-called-knowledge.
But to me, nineteen years are enough to grasp a bit of knowledge.

After my so-called experience with our creature, I have come to a conclusion about us human beings.

We are simply a disappointment, maybe not to humanity as a whole or to history in the future, but to other human beings living with us, on the same planet.

A lot of parents are disappointments to their children. Children tend to accuse their parents of their mistakes. If their parents did not give them all they needed, they’d complain about them not giving them enough. If their parents provided everything to them, they’d complain how their parents spoiled them, how they got more than enough, how their parents did not push them into being hard workers. If their parents weren’t present emotionally, they’d blame them for that. The same applies if they weren’t so present financially. If the children did not enhance their gifts and tendencies, their parents are to be blamed again because of their lack of motivation.

As for the parents (in most cases, no severe cases being mentioned), all they want and care is for their children; their safety, their happiness, their well-being, their education, their success… each parent sees those qualities in their own way… money is one way, being strict is another way, being a very nice and cool parent is a third tactic …ect…

That is one thing most children do not know. They just see the gaps, and point fingers.

On the other hand, children are mostly disappointments to their parents. Not being so successful, being successful and busy to actually be around when they get elderly, being there only financially, failing, acting rude, committing suicide, deviating, taking drugs, dating or marrying the wrong person in their opinion……are all disappointments to parents.

To the children, they are just experiencing life, the way their parents did. They are making their own mistakes, going through their own ups and downs, bearing their own consequences…

Teachers are disappointments to students. Students think of their teacher as a flawless person who teaches beneficial things. However a teacher is a human being, and he does mistakes. When a student hears about a mistake the teacher did, he’d awe, and get disappointment of his imperfection. The whole “teacher idea” will collapse. He’ll soon understand that a teacher is just a person getting paid, it’s a job, he’s not God’s messenger.

Students are disappointments to teachers. A failing student is a disappointment. A good student failing in life is another disappointment. A student becoming successful, and not being grateful for his teacher is a third disappointment.

Love is a disappointment. When our loved one cheats on us, we are disappointed. When he leaves, gets over us quickly, breaks our hearts, does the simplest things that annoy us or mismatch our own personality and values, we get disappointed. Wow, so he is not Mr. or Mrs. Perfect after all! – To us.

Friends are disappointments. When u know a friend that u have befriended for a long time is in love with u and he/she is just looking for that with u, you get disappointed. When he/she stops talking to you when he/she knows you’re not interested, you get MORE disappointed. When your friend ditches you for her/his new circle of friends, when you notice that he/she was using you just because you have a nice car or because your friends are cool, when your friend badmouths you and talks behind your back, when he or she betrays your trust and spreads your secrets, when he ignores you in front of others, you get disappointed.

Fact is, a person might fall for you, you should be happy, you are a lovable person. He might stop talking to you, to get over his love. When your friend ditches you, he is just so caught up and excited about her new life. If you try constantly to recap your friendship, you might still grasp little intimate moments with him. When a friend uses you, be glad, you now know people’s intentions, but hey after all, maybe you’d do the same if you were them! When a person talks behind your back, mostly, there is a cause for his actions.

Relatives are disappointments. When in times of grief and sadness or extreme happiness and ecstasy (of a new baby born for example), family members not being around is atrocious. When relatives favor money and possessions over brotherly love and blood, things get really awful.

Still, we live in a very busy world, most of us are so caught up in their world, they have little time to think of other people, and since money is what makes the world go round, it also controls people and their love.

We are God’s disappointment. If Adam and Eve existed, they were God’s first disappointment. All the wars, the atrocities, the greed, and the evil are disappointments to our creator.

Even if disappointments are explained and verified, they are still disappointments after all.
I sound pessimistic I know, but to see lovers still in love with no regrets nor grudges, parents so proud of their children, children so grateful in every way to their parents, best friends remaining really forever, and peace prevailed on earth is really a very extremely rare thing.

also found on M’s Blog : http://mayaakra8.blogspot.com/