Adolethoughts

Somewhere along the way, everything collapsed
Everything I’ve ever learned,
Everything I’ve fought for
Everything I believed
It all changed,

As if they were lying to me,
As if all the books, philosophers, and religions spoke of the absurd

Is this what should happen?!
Should I come to this realization?
Or is it a sin?

Somewhere along the way, I lost my self

I became the person they warned me of
The person I never felt I’ll become

Is it normal?
Is it how life is?

You research the consequences of things,
You formulate convictions and beliefs,
You create your personality

Then when ‘you’re out there’,
You forget what your parents and teachers have taught you, and what you read
You contradict your own rules of conduct,
Your own morals and values

You look at yourself in the mirror, and directly look away
Or try to put on some makeup
To change the way you look
To cover up all the insecurities and disbelief
Of the monster staring back at you
Trying to possess your presence

You cover your eyes and open them again
Only to see a reflection
Of what you were like
5 years ago
When you were still a child, a kid, a student, and a believer*
*not a belieber 😉

You realize that
Somewhere along the way, someone or something took your soul from you and played dice
Somewhere along the way, you sold your soul

And never thought twice

But now, you don’t want it… but demand it back…
Not your innocence but your values,
Not your ignorance but your experience,
Not your fear but your vigilance,
Not your selfishness but your arrogance

It’s just a phase,
The one who doesn’t pass through it
Should envy the one who has
For he will be forever enlightened and wise
To never get back there,
To share his scrutiny
And to push the ones stuck in it for a brighter life

M.

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2 thoughts on “Adolethoughts”

  1. Realizing the truth about people and life around you is just a minor achievement. Wait till you have to deal with them knowing their reality now..

  2. Our society is constructed in such way that, to function, we must consider ourselves as well as others and our relationships to others as tools to goals and not goals in themselves. As such, the value in our relationship to another is in what we can “get out” of that other; money, social status, prestige, connection, gratification… That other looses material and content in himself or herself, becomes an object that we use in furthering ourselves. And that is how we treat ourselves as well, as commodities in the job market, and along this we pattern all our relationships to friends and lovers.

    Coming out of childhood and of the “innocence” of childhood and our beliefs in values and ideals we are in for a shock as we discover how the only value reality allows is that of being a good capitalist and investing ourselves and our relationships for the highest profit. Everything becomes mask and lie and illusion, and we can do no other except coop and function otherwise we’d be left out and isolated and even die of thirst and hunger.

    It’s not the end of the story, of course, as in the end you realized…

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